Young And Useless In London Ontario

Need a job? It's no wonder in this current economic climate that so many of us students are left unemployed for the Summer, something that seems to happen to me every year, regardless of job availability. Yes, those brand spanking new degrees now seem like a waste of both our time and (parents') money. I was fortunate enough to find a web-based magazine writing job last month only to find out that it doesn't pay, so if you wanna know what an English degree will get ya... it looks something like this blog. Do you feel I'm contributing to society? Are you? When you aren't looking for a job, what exactly are you doing with your time?

Need some fun? Of course you do. You're a useless non-contributor to society sitting on the computer in your pajamas all day, drinking old ass coffee and pretending like you're looking through the classifieds for the thousandth time this month. But having no job, you probably have no money, and thus, fun isn't exactly in your price range. So now you settle for downloading a buttload of games, movies, television shows, music, porn, applications and software to fill that hole in your life you call a day. Speaking of holes...

Need a companion? You can't afford one. No one wants to be with an unemployed loser, and that is somehow what your life has become. In fact, the most intimate connection you've had with anyone in recent memory is wiping the crap from your dog's ass in the middle of the night so he/she doesn't scoot all over the carpets!

How about a good lay? No, not even for a one nighter. I mean, let's think about it step by step. First, you gotta get yourself out to a public place where you can meet someone. Then, if you're like me, you're gonna need to fill your testicles with some heavy liquid courage before approaching them. If you're stupid and NEVER want the person's respect, you''ll even buy them a drink. Then there's getting home that night, more transportation fees. Living with your parents, there's also the possibility of having to go to some run down motel. And oh, wait, did you remember to buy condoms? Of course not! You aren't getting laid! All in all, I estimate that you spent....... around the amount of two months' income at a McDix job. And the Liquor affected your performance. No, you need a realistic way to meet people.

Need a band? I sure as hell do. Ten years of playing guitar and a dedication to metal hasn't quite served me well in the London community. It doesn't help that even if I had one, I wouldn't have anywhere to play (R.I.P. Salt Lounge and The Wick). Yes, this city has truly outcasted the rockers and metalheads beyond recovery. So on top of everything, now there's no place to go and no way of meeting interesting people.

How about a new hobby? Yes! And I don't mean your newly developed passion for oversleeping. I'm thinking something that will eventually lead to getting paid, getting laid, or at least getting through the day with some sense of accomplishment. No, finding time to masturbate while your family members are away doesn't count as an accomplishment. It all comes down to what you're passionate about. Find the worth in your pathetic, useless, hopeless, and boring life.

Say what? Let's look at the basics. You're a jobless loser with nothing to do all day, nowhere to go and no one to see, nor do you have enough money for anyone else to actually give a damn.

But let's spin it all into a positive by examining everything once more.

So... You're well aware of worldly events and their impacts on local economies. You're also well educated and have enough free time on your hands to put your mind to good use. You may be alone for now, but only because you have a strong sense of the fundamental principles of finance, and are honest enough to admit that your chances weren't that good anyway. You pride youself first and foremostly as an individual, with a very distinct nature, and still somehow find the strength of will to contemplate your future ambitions. To end off, you are a master of the art of bullshit, and the world needs your fertilizer now more than ever.

My name is Sean, and this is my first real blog. Consider the above a sort of mission statement, or at least, a testament to the powers of boredom at 5:30 in the morning.